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12:54 AM

Anima É Cuore Studio Artist
Laura Dickenson
Because you had to go, 
because I ruin everything, 
because it wasn't meant to be 
and yet you are still my everything

Written by Jesus Figueroa

I lay in bed, as I have done day after day. I can't sleep thinking of a face I will never be able to forget.

Tonight it's not about a woman I never met. Tonight it's about a woman my heart will never forget.

I stay awake thinking of how she looked sleeping in my bed. He hair on the pillow, her sweet smell filling the air, her light blue eyes looking at me. My arms around her, my skin feeling her skin and my dark eyes locked on her.

For once the coldness of loneliness creeps over me. The grey shirt does nothing to protect from the chill in the air.

I sit up and can still feel your heart beat next to me.

I tear up and can not stop. So I get up and try to walk. The tears bring a weakness and I fall to the ground. I lean my back against my bedroom door and look back at the bed.

You aren't there. The soft chill of your pale skin isn't resting on my bed. Tonight I don't dream of the woman of my dreams, I don't dream of her because I once had someone so much better, but she is gone.

She is gone, she left and I don't know why. So I believe I belong on this floor, I believe I deserve not to dream, I believe I can't return to that bed.

I cannot be in this place anymore because she is gone. I cannot sleep because reality was so much better than my dreams, but it shall never be that way again. I can't be on that bed because she is gone. I cannot stop the tears and I don't believe I want to stop because I deserve this.

I ruined it, I ruined us and for that I will never forgive myself. I can never forgive myself. I couldn't make you as happy as you made me. So I don't blame you for not being here.

I don't hate you. I can never hate you. There's nothing but love in my heart for you.

So I close my eyes while on the floor. I close them so the tears can stop, but they only slow. The next time I can open them they hurt. They feel heavy, but I can see the brightness and it's morning. I haven't slept at all. I don't deserve the sleep.

The sun shines outside, but there's no more light to guide my heart, my soul. In darkness I shall live, in solitude I shall stay, away from the world, away from humanity.

I am lost once again. This place, the darkness is where I belong. So goodbye to the woman out there in the world that's better than the best dream I could ever dream. Goodbye to me, goodbye to the person I am because all I deserve is to leave, leave even me. Everyone leaves, why shouldn't I leave too.


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